Warning!!! Warning Labels!!! (Part 2)

As I promised, part 2 in a series (that I don't yet know the length of), called Warning Labels.

I came across some silly, but real warning labels a while back. Here is a short sample of the cautionary crack-ups.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution:   Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (Now THIS one makes sense. If only my dryer had said the same thing… I could have avoided an uncomfortable conversation with my young boys about how mommy killed the cat - but that is another blog for another day).

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. 

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

These next warning labels are obviously directed at teenage boys -

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

Or the ever popular “Do not eat” on the silicone packets that  come packaged with new leather goods.

These of course, are ridiculous. But can you think of any equally ridiculous warning labels that might actually have been handy for you personally if you could go back before an incident and create one. I offered a personal example of one earlier for which the shame of will follow me to my grave. Oh, but there are more...

For instance:

Place vehicle in Park before exiting…

Turn off beaters before using your fingers to wipe them off.

Place carafe in coffee maker before brewing coffee.

Or for other’s in my home-

Don’t clean up powdered hot chocolate mix that has been spilled on the white carpet with water.

Do not attach dog and leash to garage door unless you plan to untie before raising garage door.

Do not try and do jumps while ice skating with your boys unless you plan on spending your day in Sun Valley in the emergency room getting a Cat Scan and coming to your senses… and then paying $1,700 out of pocket for the privilege. (a time that a Helmet WOULD have come in handy).

I have to admit though, it would be nice to have "Life Warning Labels" for the really important things. Labels that would warn you away from dangerous relationships, hurtful situations, hard lessons. I believe that children, and especially teenagers should come with warning labels. For example, when my boys were dedicated, I think there should have been a warning involved that said, “Warning: when you dedicate him to the Lord, you will be called upon to deliver on this promise”. Knowing what I know now, I might have taken my quilt from the Faye Hendrix chapter and walked off the stage. I was, and still am, woefully unprepared for the amount of "giving up, and giving over" that is required when we truly leave our greatest treasures in the Savior's arms. We get no labels to warn that life is about to be turned upside down. No warning label comes on a car that states, “do not let your child drive or they will die at the age of 17”.  There is no cautionary tag on the spouse that walks out on you and your children. There is no label that states that you will get cancer or lose the love of your life to heart disease, all too soon.

 

We see and hear about life's hardships daily, and sometimes we plan for them, and sometimes we don't. At times we tell ourselves that we can avoid the dangers and pitfalls if we are careful enough, or smart enough. At times, we get comfortable in the lack of any real challenges, and assume we are immune. When things go differently than we thought they would, it takes us by surprise, and yet why? We are warned, to a certain extent, aren’t we? 

If the Bible isn’t one big warning manual, I don’t know what is. Story after story, and verse after verse we are warned to avoid certain things, to run from certain dangers… and we ignore the warnings. Some things could not be stated more clearly and yet we still choose to test the truth of it, as have all humans since the beginning of time. I can think of some imaginary warning labels that might have been helpful (but ignored) in the Bible..

In the Garden of Eden, on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, could have been the the label, “Do Not Eat. Will cause painful childbirth and a hard life of laboring in the dirt...and you will die” – couldn’t get much clearer than that.

As Lot and his wife were fleeing Sodom & Gomorrah, a sign could have read, “Looking back as you leave could cause you to turn into a pillar of salt”… sounds silly too, but…

Then there were the Ten Commandments… Hello! Warnings!

The Bible also says that no life will be without trial and struggle, and yet we hope that we will be the exceptions. Oh we might not consciously do this, but the way things catch us “off guard”- testify to the fact that we have relied on that hope. The Bible does more than warn us, however, and I am so thankful. It also tells us about God’s insurance plan, that covers all the unfair, unjust, unforeseen tragedies, pains, disappointments, and failures. I am so glad that there is more to life than just navigating around all the dangers that are out there. We can have peace that even when it comes our way… we will be okay. This is not all there is. When life is throwing us one challenging experience after another, we have hope because God is sovereign. He has known us from before the creation of the earth and has us in his hand. Whew, what a relief!   

Psalm 31:1-3,24
In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness.  Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name's sake, Lead me and guide me.

Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.

  

Warning!!! Warning Labels!!! Part 1 of a Series

I am going to take a whack at sounding like a "real-professional" and do a small series of entries on Warning Labels and how they relate to our lives. It is mostly nonsense - but I will enjoy posting them anyway. 

Part 1 (See.. doesn't that sound "serious")

Has anyone else noticed the ridiculous warning labels on practically every product known to man? I read this label recently on a fold-up chair - "Watch fingers that they don’t get caught in between bars as they may get pinched".  Are we all really that stupid now?   As long as it's going to take that much to ensure no one yells, "lawsuit!" or “recall!”, why not cover all the bases?  All possibilities for injury need to be addressed or someone could always take advantage.  What about…"Warning…do not sit chair too close to fire or you may ignite". Or, "Do not trip over chair and impale yourself". And what about the obvious, "Do not fall asleep in chair on beach when tide is coming in”.

It seems that in our world today something is forever being re-studied or reconfigured for safety purposes. In some ways, this is a good thing. In some ways, it borders on crazy. Funny how something meant to give the consumer more of a sense of control can be so out-of-control, in itself. Unfortunately, this obsession with safety and "control" (which is ultimately the need that is fed), can actually encourage us to live more fearfully. As we spend more energy and time keeping "safe", we look for more opportunities to feel unsafe. As we achieve more control over our surroundings, we notice how big our "surroundings" have become. 

Don't get me wrong. I love American standards of safety... especially when I have just been to a foreign country. I kind of like our guard rails and non-exposed electrical wires, thank you. I am not calling for a complete return to the "pre-safety standards, use common sense" days of previous generations either, it did have it's faults. The car seat was a wonderful invention. The "throwing out of the arm to keep child in place on seat method" left much to be desired.

While watching the Winter Olympics this past year, I happened to note that the athletes wore helmets for everything... well, except curling. I'm actually surprised they did not require them for curling. That big heavy disk could come to life and hop off the ice and give one a major head injury! Those brooms could poke an eye out!  They should probably be wearing safety goggles... but I digress. Obviously, helmets make sense for many things. It is the degree to which the pendulum has swung the opposite way that always astounds me, and the speed in which it has happened. When I was a child (a mere moment ago...), I would have been laughed out of my neighborhood if I had been seen wearing a bicycle helmet. In contrast, I think today they require all children under the age of 12 to wear them while playing with little Hot Wheels race car sets.  Don't they? 

Ah... Control. Control of our lives. Control of what happens to us... it's actually a very funny idea, if you think about it. 

The "Others"

I am a good housekeeper. Did you notice I did not say excellent? That is because I have decided that I am not an "other". I was thinking about this fact today as my husband and I were touring brand new "parade" homes in our town. I made the comment, and I can't remember if it was out-loud to myself or in-my-head to myself, but I made the comment that model homes always look perfect because no one lives in them. I made this comment to myself because, you see, my husband is an "other". 

The "others" that I am referring to are those people who are born with the "clean" gene. I'm not just talkin' normal clean, I'm talkin' fanatic clean. I am as clean as I am today because of these people. My husband and his family impressed upon me "correct household cleaning standards". They are German...nuff said. There were some things though, that they just couldn't teach me. I have decided you need the "clean gene" that the "others" have to learn... or notice, or even care about these cleaning issues. Let me give you some examples...

The air-return vents on your ceiling should be vacuumed regularly because they gather dirt and get brownish.  Floor heat registers should be taken out and rinsed periodically as well.  I must be vent-challenged or possibly missed sign-ups for the Vents 101 class offered when I received my MRS degree. Explains the sneezing in my house. 

One must vacuum UNDER things. Vacuuming is done around in my mind.  "Under" is a hidden thing, as well as "behind" and "in".  These are my havens, my safe places.  These are the places I love, that I know I can count on to be there when I need to shove something away, sweep something under, or tuck something in.  (I know there are therapists psycho-analyzing this at the moment and all I can say is, I know, I know...)  When these sacred places are placed under scrutiny, our society as we know it is in danger of unraveling.  Our stores will be filled with an endless supply of clear items or transparent items. The clear glass shower door is just one example of this disturbing trend. Next, washing machines and refrigerators will go up on foot-high legs and the "underneaths" will be exposed! No one needs to see this!

Another task that I am sub-par at is dusting. Apparently, one should dust the door frame, above, you know, where you can’t see.  Once again, I assumed this was nothing to worry about. I am an eye-level duster.  I forget though that “others” have above and below and behind sensors that I was born without. 

I am sorry if I am offending an "other" with this post. I know you honestly care about these things. Some of you have serious sleep disturbances from lying in bed wondering if you should get up and remove cob-webs.  But you see, cob-webs escape my notice unless they trap me in my bed...so I just can't relate. I hope you understand that I have the utmost respect for you. (I just realized that I shouldn't be that concerned that any "other" is taking the time to read this post...they are on their knees dusting off the lamp cords!)  

I'm doing it! I'm really doing it!

Yeah, so... I'm an official "blogger" now. Or...blogist? Blogologist? Bloginator? Blogitian? Blogateur? 

Whatever. I am now officially blogging. To blog, or not to blog, that was the question. I mean, it's not like I don't already waste waaaay too much time on the computer doing completely un-practical things with my day. I manage to get my house clean and my calendar and agenda attended to in-between Facebook checks, but just enough to get a low B, maybe a C in Advanced Household Management. Afterall, it IS my job. Depends on the day. I am someone who gets completely absorbed in something I enjoy, once I start... so the idea of spending more time writing on my computer was not something I felt would add to my productivity. However. Facebook is not fulfilling my "sharing" needs. When I can't seem to keep my "status" updates short enough to fit in the required space, it's a problem. When I want to (but refrain from) updating said status every hour (because my teenage son told me when I "joined" that it was annoying to everyone), but I really, really have good stuff to say... it's not giving me the word vomit release that I need. 

I have had many people tell me that I need to blog. Interestingly enough, my husband and children are not included in that group. I wonder why? Maybe cause I "blog" in their direction on a regular basis?  I think that I owe it to them to take some of the blogish energy that I use on them, and put it into my fingers instead. Don't you agree? I am at a point in my life where my job is getting cut back as well. The hours are not what they once were...fortunately my pay has continued to increase though. According to my brainy, bossy, budgeting, but beyond benevolent husband - my "income" (i.e. account "Renee" expenditures), has increased in-proportionately every year.  I "guess" (said with teenage attitude) that I work less hours at his office and have less children around (and under my feet, as opposed to towering over my head) to deal with. So you see... I NEED to blog. 

I NEED to blog because I have important things to say! Gosh darn-it! I have to tell people about things that I know to be true. I owe it to the world to share all that is Renee...all the wonderful, incredibly insightful thoughts racing around in my brain deserve a venue!....And that's why I haven't blogged before.... I am afraid that I might actually feel a need to express the part of me that must really believe this on some level....

You see, I am a human-being. I have many, many, many faults. Did I say there were many? I do stupid things daily, and although they make for great material, I really could stand to cut back. The older I have gotten the more I realize the less I really know. So, how is it I think I possibly have anything worth expecting someone to read? I know I am nothing without the power of God's grace in my life...at least nothing lasting. So why, why, do I need to add to the millions of words, opinions, blurbs, blabs, and senseless, mindless rambling that takes place within the belly of the electronic internet beast that we feed daily? 

Well... I guess I just feel like I can. I can because I actually get my daily life accomplished fairly well, despite the self-incrimination (that's how I roll). I can because God shows me things, just like everyone else, and He wants me to "give a reason for the hope that I have". It's in the Bible! Hello! (Get used to that phrase). I can because I have a God-given dream of sharing words, that I don't know the ending to... but I'm just livin' life and waiting... and listening. I can do all these things because,"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think and write (okay, I added that word) about such things." That's freedom! Now, I don't know if my writing will fall into those categories without fail... as a matter of fact, I can pretty much guarantee that"noble", and "excellent", are gonna be a challenge... and I guess "praise-worthy", possibly. Now that I think about it, "admirable" could be daunting too. hmmmm. Well, it's a good thing that you will get "true" Renee. I don't self-filter well. "Pure", "Lovely"? Well... okay. . Let's just say that God created me to be all these things... so I'm gonna rely on Him to translate for me. 

I would love it if you would check in every now and then and see how many "s, ()s, and ....s that I have used in the most recent post. You can even tally them if you want to... whatever it takes, I'm not picky. Either way... I choose to blog! Because I can.