Legendary Marriage, Part II

Continuation of "A Legendary Marriage" -

All real marriages are made up of a mixture of what makes us human and what makes us divine. The triumph AND the tragedy. The poison, the disappointment, the occasional castration, the lie, an unaccounted for body or two, and just simple day to day life struggle. On the other hand though is the joy of creating new life, the shared laughter, the dream chasing, the passioned moments, and all the promise of a future untold.

Many examples of marriages in God’s word show us both sides to the story as well. There is no covering up the dirt, it’s there for you to see. Abraham & Sarah, Isaac & Rebekkah, Jacob & Rachel, and the list goes on. The sad thing about the Disney type fairy tales we dream of as young girls, or the adventures we imagine taking as young boys… is that the story never continues after “The End”, when the end of the book, is always the beginning of the true story.

I don’t know what your marriage looks like on a daily, or weekly basis… but mine often looks less legendary, and more lethargic. Less romantic, more rheumatic. We have always understood though, that the pages of our love story, have to keep turning. New chapters unfold. We don’t want it to be a short story, but a novel, a real body of work. So, we keep giving the writer material to work with. All love stories are a strange mix of tragedy, romance, mystery, adventure, drama, and for some of us, a little Science Fiction. I would like to share a few excerpts from our story with you…

For those of you who don’t know anything about me. My husband Brian and I have been married for 25 years and we have three boys. We are almost at that stage where it is just the two of us again, just one teenager left at home. We are a mouthy pair, the two of us… and we’ve created a mouthy group. Yep, we are just one loud, mouthy family. But if there is one rule that we have employed over the years in our marriage, it is this. We don’t go to bed angry… no, we stay up and fight! Yes. We are a “passionate” couple. Time has worn the edges off that, but we have experienced some truly legendary squabbles. We also enjoy just debating stupid issues… and as my gift to my husband, I would like to state now, for everyone to see, that he really is right, quite often. (he loves to hear that…)  And the Legend continues.

We, like many couples, are almost complete opposites of one another, and we have different ideas of how to do things. This gap has narrowed over the years, but, every day we have to adjust to those little quirks that drive us nuts about each other.  For instance, apparently, I swallow too loud. Brian, lines up his paperclips and stacks his rubber bands in a circle at the office, I like to move some every now and then just to send him reeling. I crack my eggs and put the shells back in the carton… not in the trash. Don’t judge me. Brian is like all men and can never seem to find anything in the fridge. By the way women, I don’t get how that hunter-gatherer instinct thing is working when men can’t find the margarine behind the milk carton. Maybe they are employing that whole, “becoming one with their environment” technique when they stand with the fridge door open, just staring into it, not moving. Are they hoping it will draw the margarine out of hiding?

Back to me. My husband has a small problem with my habit of hitting things that don’t move with my car…such as fire hydrants, signs, poles, mailboxes, his parked truck, my son’s parked car, or driving up on landscape boulders in the mall parking lot. Then there are times when I am so angry with my husband that if we were in Jurassic Park, and there was a dinosaur chasing our Jeep, I would kick him out….Don’t judge me!… and the Legend continues.

Herein lies the beauty. Each story is made up of twists and turns, and surprises… Just when you think you know where the story is leading…you turn the page.

When I am watching football with Brian and I agree with him that the ref made a terrible call, or when I help remind all our friends that BSU is over-rated (That was my 2^nd  gift, honey)…the legend continues.

When I’ve felt a rush of pride and joy watching him play endlessly and tirelessly with our boys over the years… the legend continued.

When he looked through his rearview mirror on that highway all those years ago, and saw the car I was driving flip and roll, and roll…with his baby boy inside as well…the Legend continued.

When I watched him lie helplessly in a hospital bed because his broken neck had him immobile and in so much pain that the tears ran down his face…the Legend continued.

When he got the call that his beloved mother had cancer, for the third time, and I was there to share the burden of my Braveheart’s despair… the legend continued.

When I tried to distance him with hurtful words, and he instead chose to call on his inner knight to fight for the beauty that he knew was inside me… the Legend continued.

And woven throughout is the miracle of these moments, when everything else falls away, and you discover again those same feelings, reborn again and again in a thousand different ways, that have always been there between the two of you, underneath, around and through it all….it is the unexplainable Legend. 

You see… we just have to keep turning the pages. We have a God who knew what he was doing when he placed the Hero and Heroine in your story. It was no accident. God writes the love stories. We have to trust that what He is creating, is more beautiful than it is from our viewpoint within the sentence we are living at the moment, with all it’s question marks and exclamation points...Because your marriage, and mine, will be a blessing. I thank you for your marriages. Whether or not you feel like they inspire. Whether or not you feel as though yours is a great romance… thank you for your marriage. Your story is unique, and creative, full of real life struggle and pain, real life victories and celebration. It is miraculous and mysterious because it speaks of

the impossible. It’s a real page turner! 

Our love stories speak of a loyalty and devotion that surpass the ability of mankind to do things on his own. They mirror a divine covenant with a Holy God. Our love stories illustrate that re-creation, renewal, and redemption are possible within the bounds of human relationships, because it is possible with our creator. This is all for the glory of God. For,THIS is what dreams are made of…. THIS is Legend.

A Legendary Marriage

The following is a "blog formatted" version of a thing I did for our Valentine's banquet at our church last year. I have felt so impacted lately by the marriages of some great couples in my life, and I just wanted to share this in honor of them. This will have to be a "series" as well because it is looong. I have issues with this. On the bright side, I cut my "Warning Labels" series to just 2 parts... so there is hope in this blogger's world. 

 

A Legendary Marriage

     I want to tell you some stories. Stories of fabled romance, mystery, adventure…and don’t worry men, there will be some “blood and guts” along the way to keep you entertained… I will tell mythical tales of wonder and excitement that speak of the love between a man and a woman, the knight and his damsel, warrior and his maiden. Tales of vows made, courage tested, battles won, beauty claimed. This is the stuff that dreams are made of. I will tell you the story of a Legendary Marriage.  

     “Legendary”, some of you know that my family kind of likes that word. We use it more often than most people… and we often use it out of context. It actually started as a game to see who could use the word the most in a conversation with a stranger. We like to refer to ourselves as “legendary” often, and we just like to say it. It rolls off the tongue so well...”legendary”… It really is a great word. But, what exactly, does it mean? It can mean, famous, well renowned, or it can mean, the stuff of legends… and a definition for legends, that I think applies appropriately is, “tales retold for generations but unlikely to be entirely true…”. And so, I suggest to you in this moment, that "Only time separates reality from legend".

     Let us look now at our first legendary story of love, and bring back the realities that time has replaced. The first story, is in the beginning…Come with me for a moment if you will…. On a journey. A journey back in time… to the first earthly union, to the first marriage, in it’s first moments of creation. When Adam first met Eve. Can you imagine the moment? Adam has just opened his eyes, and there before him is a beautiful creature. This woman, that God had fashioned just for him, from him. Imagine Adam laying eyes upon this strange, and yet, somehow familiar creature. And yet, hold the phone… Not so familiar creature…

Oh the wonder! The sight!

But, let’s pause there…and look through Eve’s eyes. She has awakened to the sight of a creature, who looks so familiar, and yet, so different. She is confused for a moment, and yet amazingly not… and then slightly troubled by the feral gleam in his eyes, and yet not. Drawn to him, and yet not. Oh, what to say, what to say… what to say? What is he thinking? 
     Back to Adam as our journey continues. Adam has taken note of the differences in Eve from himself, and is beginning to move toward her to introduce himself by exploring those differences, and immediately begins to name them (after all, that is his job). He is the official namer.

     Back to Eve –“I wonder what he thinks of me?” She checks her breath quickly...“Oh, he can’t see me like this, I feel as if this stuff on my head is too messy…”

     Back to Adam’s thoughts. "Touch, Beauty. Name".

     Eve. "Does he speak? Do I speak? I’d better be able to speak!" 
Alas, language has not come into existence yet, and what comes out is just a series of guttural grunts. Adam, having used his voice for naming animals, recognizes the noise coming from her mouth, but does not understand what she is saying… she begins making wild motions with her hands… and he gets more confused…and so… it begins….

     This my friends, is what was left out of the creation account. Oh, I know the fall from free love luau to fig leaves, was later, and sin entered the world then. But I am here to suggest that the minute Adam and Eve first met, there was a clash of two different human designs, that in itself was perfect. A perfect creation of fire and ice, that would mold and meld into a perfect union of one, through the power of a master-crafter. And the first Legendary Romance is born…

     What is it that is so legendary about certain famous couples throughout history and in myths?

Let’s look at some of the most famous ones with a realistic eye…

  Romeo & Juliet – the first love story most people think of and has become synonymous with love itself… But why? He thinks he loves some Rosaline chick, sees Juliet once and they decide to marry the next day. A couple days later they’ve both killed themselves because they thought the other one was dead. And to top it off, the play ends with the bad rhyme, “for never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo”. Tragic.

Cleopatra & Mark Antony – More tragic death over the supposed death of the other (notice a theme here in many love stories)… tried to take over Rome together, the original real estate power couple…

Tristan & Isolde – NOT married… Tristan is so dumb he marries someone else just because her name sounds like Isolde… good reason. She turns out to be a liar and everyone dies of broken hearts.

Paris and Helen – From Homer’s Iliad. NOT married… Starts a war, people die. The movie lied, Paris abducted her and when Troy is destroyed she lives happily the rest of her life with her husband Menelaus…but that’s okay because Orlando Bloom was a real wimp anyway.

Napoleon and Josephine – fell deeply in love out of a marriage of convenience, but that didn’t deter adultery on both sides – he left her because she couldn’t produce an heir. Their love fell short.(get it? Napoleon was short! ha!)

Odysseus and Penelope – Greek pair. He dies at war, but she still refuses 108 suitors while waiting for him to return. He refuses everlasting love and eternal youth from a sorceress so that he might return home. The story does not go on to tell you how many times later she reminded him of “all the men she could have chosen”.

Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler – Frankly, my dear…. I can’t understand why he married her in the first place…

Jane Eyre and Rochester – Bronte’s famous tale of love between a rich man and his governess who are to marry, but wait, he’s already married!

Eloise and Abelard – a true story of a boy and girl who were secretly married, torn apart, he is castrated, becomes a monk, and she a nun.

Pyramus and Thisbe – Basically another Romeo and Juliet.. forbidden love, mistaken death, both die in the end.. someone really needs to wait and make SURE the other person is really dead before they off themselves… These tragedies are really more stories of stupid people who don’t know how to check for pulses…

Elizabeth Bennett and Darcy – Well… okay, this IS a love story… I mean, I’m sorry, it’s Jane Austen for pete’s sake. Sigh…

Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal – She was his “favorite” wife…and he built her the Taj Mahal, AFTER she died. NOT legendary.

Marie and Pierre Curie – Finally, a relationship that didn’t involve poison…Partners in love and science, they discovered radioactivity together…. now that’s romantic. I’m sure they had their melt-downs though…

And finally, my own addition – Wesley and Buttercup – the story ended well as it was written, but I believe the giant Fezzik moved in with them like a free-loading relative and made life miserable.

As you can see, some of the most legendary romances of all time were really full of challenges, pain, tragedies… Why? Because, “only time separates reality from Legend”. Can we see our real marriages from the distance that it takes, to be able to see the legend? 

To be continued.....

Warning!!! Warning Labels!!! (Part 2)

As I promised, part 2 in a series (that I don't yet know the length of), called Warning Labels.

I came across some silly, but real warning labels a while back. Here is a short sample of the cautionary crack-ups.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution:   Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter."

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. (Now THIS one makes sense. If only my dryer had said the same thing… I could have avoided an uncomfortable conversation with my young boys about how mommy killed the cat - but that is another blog for another day).

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. 

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

These next warning labels are obviously directed at teenage boys -

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

Or the ever popular “Do not eat” on the silicone packets that  come packaged with new leather goods.

These of course, are ridiculous. But can you think of any equally ridiculous warning labels that might actually have been handy for you personally if you could go back before an incident and create one. I offered a personal example of one earlier for which the shame of will follow me to my grave. Oh, but there are more...

For instance:

Place vehicle in Park before exiting…

Turn off beaters before using your fingers to wipe them off.

Place carafe in coffee maker before brewing coffee.

Or for other’s in my home-

Don’t clean up powdered hot chocolate mix that has been spilled on the white carpet with water.

Do not attach dog and leash to garage door unless you plan to untie before raising garage door.

Do not try and do jumps while ice skating with your boys unless you plan on spending your day in Sun Valley in the emergency room getting a Cat Scan and coming to your senses… and then paying $1,700 out of pocket for the privilege. (a time that a Helmet WOULD have come in handy).

I have to admit though, it would be nice to have "Life Warning Labels" for the really important things. Labels that would warn you away from dangerous relationships, hurtful situations, hard lessons. I believe that children, and especially teenagers should come with warning labels. For example, when my boys were dedicated, I think there should have been a warning involved that said, “Warning: when you dedicate him to the Lord, you will be called upon to deliver on this promise”. Knowing what I know now, I might have taken my quilt from the Faye Hendrix chapter and walked off the stage. I was, and still am, woefully unprepared for the amount of "giving up, and giving over" that is required when we truly leave our greatest treasures in the Savior's arms. We get no labels to warn that life is about to be turned upside down. No warning label comes on a car that states, “do not let your child drive or they will die at the age of 17”.  There is no cautionary tag on the spouse that walks out on you and your children. There is no label that states that you will get cancer or lose the love of your life to heart disease, all too soon.

 

We see and hear about life's hardships daily, and sometimes we plan for them, and sometimes we don't. At times we tell ourselves that we can avoid the dangers and pitfalls if we are careful enough, or smart enough. At times, we get comfortable in the lack of any real challenges, and assume we are immune. When things go differently than we thought they would, it takes us by surprise, and yet why? We are warned, to a certain extent, aren’t we? 

If the Bible isn’t one big warning manual, I don’t know what is. Story after story, and verse after verse we are warned to avoid certain things, to run from certain dangers… and we ignore the warnings. Some things could not be stated more clearly and yet we still choose to test the truth of it, as have all humans since the beginning of time. I can think of some imaginary warning labels that might have been helpful (but ignored) in the Bible..

In the Garden of Eden, on the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, could have been the the label, “Do Not Eat. Will cause painful childbirth and a hard life of laboring in the dirt...and you will die” – couldn’t get much clearer than that.

As Lot and his wife were fleeing Sodom & Gomorrah, a sign could have read, “Looking back as you leave could cause you to turn into a pillar of salt”… sounds silly too, but…

Then there were the Ten Commandments… Hello! Warnings!

The Bible also says that no life will be without trial and struggle, and yet we hope that we will be the exceptions. Oh we might not consciously do this, but the way things catch us “off guard”- testify to the fact that we have relied on that hope. The Bible does more than warn us, however, and I am so thankful. It also tells us about God’s insurance plan, that covers all the unfair, unjust, unforeseen tragedies, pains, disappointments, and failures. I am so glad that there is more to life than just navigating around all the dangers that are out there. We can have peace that even when it comes our way… we will be okay. This is not all there is. When life is throwing us one challenging experience after another, we have hope because God is sovereign. He has known us from before the creation of the earth and has us in his hand. Whew, what a relief!   

Psalm 31:1-3,24
In You, O LORD, I put my trust; Let me never be ashamed; Deliver me in Your righteousness.  Bow down Your ear to me, Deliver me speedily; Be my rock of refuge, A fortress of defense to save me. For You are my rock and my fortress; Therefore, for Your name's sake, Lead me and guide me.

Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.

  

Warning!!! Warning Labels!!! Part 1 of a Series

I am going to take a whack at sounding like a "real-professional" and do a small series of entries on Warning Labels and how they relate to our lives. It is mostly nonsense - but I will enjoy posting them anyway. 

Part 1 (See.. doesn't that sound "serious")

Has anyone else noticed the ridiculous warning labels on practically every product known to man? I read this label recently on a fold-up chair - "Watch fingers that they don’t get caught in between bars as they may get pinched".  Are we all really that stupid now?   As long as it's going to take that much to ensure no one yells, "lawsuit!" or “recall!”, why not cover all the bases?  All possibilities for injury need to be addressed or someone could always take advantage.  What about…"Warning…do not sit chair too close to fire or you may ignite". Or, "Do not trip over chair and impale yourself". And what about the obvious, "Do not fall asleep in chair on beach when tide is coming in”.

It seems that in our world today something is forever being re-studied or reconfigured for safety purposes. In some ways, this is a good thing. In some ways, it borders on crazy. Funny how something meant to give the consumer more of a sense of control can be so out-of-control, in itself. Unfortunately, this obsession with safety and "control" (which is ultimately the need that is fed), can actually encourage us to live more fearfully. As we spend more energy and time keeping "safe", we look for more opportunities to feel unsafe. As we achieve more control over our surroundings, we notice how big our "surroundings" have become. 

Don't get me wrong. I love American standards of safety... especially when I have just been to a foreign country. I kind of like our guard rails and non-exposed electrical wires, thank you. I am not calling for a complete return to the "pre-safety standards, use common sense" days of previous generations either, it did have it's faults. The car seat was a wonderful invention. The "throwing out of the arm to keep child in place on seat method" left much to be desired.

While watching the Winter Olympics this past year, I happened to note that the athletes wore helmets for everything... well, except curling. I'm actually surprised they did not require them for curling. That big heavy disk could come to life and hop off the ice and give one a major head injury! Those brooms could poke an eye out!  They should probably be wearing safety goggles... but I digress. Obviously, helmets make sense for many things. It is the degree to which the pendulum has swung the opposite way that always astounds me, and the speed in which it has happened. When I was a child (a mere moment ago...), I would have been laughed out of my neighborhood if I had been seen wearing a bicycle helmet. In contrast, I think today they require all children under the age of 12 to wear them while playing with little Hot Wheels race car sets.  Don't they? 

Ah... Control. Control of our lives. Control of what happens to us... it's actually a very funny idea, if you think about it. 

The "Others"

I am a good housekeeper. Did you notice I did not say excellent? That is because I have decided that I am not an "other". I was thinking about this fact today as my husband and I were touring brand new "parade" homes in our town. I made the comment, and I can't remember if it was out-loud to myself or in-my-head to myself, but I made the comment that model homes always look perfect because no one lives in them. I made this comment to myself because, you see, my husband is an "other". 

The "others" that I am referring to are those people who are born with the "clean" gene. I'm not just talkin' normal clean, I'm talkin' fanatic clean. I am as clean as I am today because of these people. My husband and his family impressed upon me "correct household cleaning standards". They are German...nuff said. There were some things though, that they just couldn't teach me. I have decided you need the "clean gene" that the "others" have to learn... or notice, or even care about these cleaning issues. Let me give you some examples...

The air-return vents on your ceiling should be vacuumed regularly because they gather dirt and get brownish.  Floor heat registers should be taken out and rinsed periodically as well.  I must be vent-challenged or possibly missed sign-ups for the Vents 101 class offered when I received my MRS degree. Explains the sneezing in my house. 

One must vacuum UNDER things. Vacuuming is done around in my mind.  "Under" is a hidden thing, as well as "behind" and "in".  These are my havens, my safe places.  These are the places I love, that I know I can count on to be there when I need to shove something away, sweep something under, or tuck something in.  (I know there are therapists psycho-analyzing this at the moment and all I can say is, I know, I know...)  When these sacred places are placed under scrutiny, our society as we know it is in danger of unraveling.  Our stores will be filled with an endless supply of clear items or transparent items. The clear glass shower door is just one example of this disturbing trend. Next, washing machines and refrigerators will go up on foot-high legs and the "underneaths" will be exposed! No one needs to see this!

Another task that I am sub-par at is dusting. Apparently, one should dust the door frame, above, you know, where you can’t see.  Once again, I assumed this was nothing to worry about. I am an eye-level duster.  I forget though that “others” have above and below and behind sensors that I was born without. 

I am sorry if I am offending an "other" with this post. I know you honestly care about these things. Some of you have serious sleep disturbances from lying in bed wondering if you should get up and remove cob-webs.  But you see, cob-webs escape my notice unless they trap me in my bed...so I just can't relate. I hope you understand that I have the utmost respect for you. (I just realized that I shouldn't be that concerned that any "other" is taking the time to read this post...they are on their knees dusting off the lamp cords!)